How to Forgive Yourself for Not Being the “Perfect” Mami
Perfection is a myth. No one on this planet is perfect yet, as moms, we have convinced ourselves that we must be perfect. We have become conditioned to the idea that we must be able to do it all and be there for everyone.
The idea of forgiveness can be difficult to accept. I know that we can choose to work towards happiness rather than holding ourselves back. I talk about the power of forgiveness often. Some folks see forgiveness as an act of weakness. However, I like to reframe the meaning of this word in my life.
"To forgive is to give yourself permission to live in the now rather than holding on the wrong doings of the past." -E.B.R.
Over the past few months, I started on my journey to forgive myself. I grabbed a notebook and spent an hour writing out all the activities that led to my pain. After about five pages, I knew there was still more in there, but I was exhausted. I was in awe. The second I wrote something, there was a new thought or feeling underneath that had to surface. There were feelings I've been holding on to for many years that were affecting me in the now. I often feel like I'm failing my children, even thought I know that I am doing the best I can for them.
For each action listed in my journal, I spent five minutes on forgiving the giver of the pain I felt even if that person causing the pain was me. I sent love and light into the universe, thanking life for the lessons I've learned. Here are some ways you can begin to forgive yourself:
1. Live in the present. It is rather easy to say, live in the present when we have a million things to accomplish on our to-do list. However, A great future requires an attentive present. That’s not possible if you’re living in the past. Life is happening right now, at this moment. Every moment spent in the past is lost forever. Reclaim your life by forgiving and moving on.
2. "It all begins with a thought." Creating and maintaining negative thoughts doesn’t feel good. Pleasant thoughts support a pleasant mood. Again, this takes practice and hardwork. None of the changes we want to see, happen overnight. It requires us to catch ourselves in those moments of negativity and work to reframe our thinking.
3. Take a deep breathe. This can be challenging! Staying angry is easier in many ways. Take a deep breath, take a pause. Choose to think through a situation and process before responding. Forgiveness starts with you.
4. The past cannot be changed, but your attitude can. Nothing you do today can change what happened yesterday. Work on changing your attitude for forgiveness sakes.
5. All humans make mistakes, even moms. We’ve all done or said things we later regret. You can’t expect to be forgiven if you’re unwilling to forgive. Living a perfect life and making perfect choices isn’t possible. Mistakes happen.
The act of forgiving is something you do for yourself because the alternative is harmful to your health, happiness, and future. No one is "perfect".
Be good to yourself.
Be kind to yourself.